I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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