He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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