I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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