Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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