the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
