i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
