Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
