I queefed so loud it echoed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
