I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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