Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
