If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
