Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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