Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
