You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
