I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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