No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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