she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
