I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
