i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
