How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
