Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize