i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
