If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
