You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
