Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
