It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
