Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and she was petting her beer can
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
