Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's like iHOP with fire
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
