he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
