dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hippo gnu deer
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
