I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
