Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
