I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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