Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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