my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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