last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize