I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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