What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
