just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
