somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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