hotel room ftw
why didn't you poke me back
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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