If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
