i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize