i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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