i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize