just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
