Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
