I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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