When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
