Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
