I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
