I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
