Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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