Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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