I want you more than these girls want KFC
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
