So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
