Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
