I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
