Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
