sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize