just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
