I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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