Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize