I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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