We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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