I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
