my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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