She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
