1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
