God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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