I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
