Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
we're so committed to being not committed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
