I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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