never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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