god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
