i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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