Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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