i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
