i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
