She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
