Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Green mimosas i think yes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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