my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
