New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
