I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
