I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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