You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
