the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
