Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Boobs speak an international language.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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