I wish you could order shots online.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
