i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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