I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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