Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
