she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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