I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
