It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
