the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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