Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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