Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize