New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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