my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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