I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
