when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
