I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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