Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
