Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please come you make the beer taste better
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
