okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
