i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
