Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize