you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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