i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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