I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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