Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just cropdusted the office
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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