I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
