i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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